The 2
Simple Reasons Why Some Issues Don't
Seem To
Heal No Matter How Much You 'Work' Them. . .
...and How You Can Quickly Become A Facilitator Who Is Able
To Help Heal Those Issues,
With Other
People -- And
On Yourself.
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Dear Warrior Brother/Woman Within Sister,
Have you ever seen this:
A person has an issue, and works it over and over and over. But no
matter what they do, the issue doesn't seem to change.
Why is that?
Well, I've thought about that question a lot over the last 17
years, as I've run Shadow Work, Carpet Work, facilitation trainings,
Inner King Trainings and one-on-one sessions all over the US, Cananda,
England and South Africa.
I've needed to find an answer to that question, so I could help the
people who were paying me top dollar for my facilitation.
Well, I've found an answer that really seems to work, and I'd like to
share it with you now.
There are two simple reasons that people don't make the "Deep Changes"
that they are often wishing they could.
Let's look at those reasons one at a time:
Reason
#1: "Deep Risks" Stop Change From Happening
The truth is, no matter how much a person wants change to
happen,
their psyche won't let them change if the change seems too risky to
some deep, hidden part of them.
Facilitators will often ask "What's at risk?" and "Are you willing to
take that risk?" during a process. That's good as far as it goes, but
it is
often not enough to really get at the Deep Risks that are holding the
person back.
If you can't address the Deep Risk, the process will seem "slow as
molassas," and it will feel like you, the facilitator, are having to do
all the work. You or the group may even confront the participant about
his or her unconscious resistance, which may motivate the participant
to "perform" a good process (usually anger work), but which won't
create a lasting change.
Put another way, you have to know how to get the parts of a person that
think that "it's too risky" to change to "get on board" with allowing
change to happen.
What you need to
UNDERSTAND:
If
there's a Deep Risk that the
facilitator has not addressed, then a person will not change.
You have to help get the
parts of a person that
think that "it's too risky" to be in favor of allowing change to happen.
Simply
badgering a person or pushing them to take the risk will not have a lasting
positive effect.
Until you are able to address
and transform the Deep Risk, change will not happen.
At the
"Deep Change Facilitation
Training," You'll Discover:
- The faces of Deep Risk.
Deep Risks show up in several very different
ways. You'll find out how to spot them right away, and exactly what to
do with them, and
- How to identify when people are holding on to an issue because of
Deep Risks that need to be addressed, and
- How to help people change their identities from "someone who is
screwed up" to "someone who has taken care of themselves well and
survived dangerous situations," and
- How to get the Deep Risk
"on your team" to help the participant, and
- How to help
people transform the restricting energy of the Deep Risk
into power,
focus, connection, and blessing, and. . .
- How to help people take
those energies out into their lives.
As a bonus, you'll also discover how to find, heal, and get the
energy out of your own expressions of Deep Risk.
In
my experience, 98% of facilitators, even the savvy ones who think they
may know this, can do a much better job applying it (and most barely
scratch the surface). Once you understand how to work with the Deep
Risks, you'll be able to get old issues to move toward healing with
surprising ease.
Reason
#2: "Deep Love" Stops Change From Happening
If you had this choice, which
option would you take?
Option 1: Knowing you are a good, loving person, loyal to those you
love, but unhappy,
or
Option 2: Being happy, but thinking you are an unloving, disloyal
person.
It's my experience that people will take Option 1, "Knowing they are a good,
loving person, loyal to those they love, but unhappy," every single
time.
That's an expresson of Deep Love. It's painful, but it's loving.
Put another way: We often carry painful issues, and refuse to
let them go, as a way of showing Deep Love for someone. Until that deep
love is addressed, no amount of process work with make an issue heal.
The 5 Reasons We Carry Pain
to
Show Deep Love
1) They have the pain, so you do
too. There may be someone you love who
had a certain kind of pain, and you may have reproduced it in yourself
as a way of trying to prove you are loving them.
2) You're
trying to heal it for them. If someone you love suffers,
you may have reproduced their pain in yourself as a way of trying to
carry and heal it for them.
3) You think
you've lost your connection. You may have thought that
you lost your loving connection to someone through some experience of
abuse, and may be reproducing the pain of the abuse as a way of trying
to feel your connection with that person in the only way you can.
4) "It's
wrong not to suffer, in my family!" You may have simply
felt, on some core level, that it was wrong, disrespectful, or unloving
to be happier than someone else in your family. So you unconsciously
decided to "suffer with them" as a way of showing solidarity and love.
5) You fear
you won't belong or fit if you aren't in pain. Think of it
this way -- if , as a child, you completely embodied the belief that
you were perfectly blessed and perfectly connected at every moment, you
probably wouldn't have fit in your family system. In order to know they
fit into their family and that they are a loving member of it, children
take on some pain.
These are all
painful ways of expressing Deep Love.
And if someone has worked an
issue over and over, but it still doesn't change, it's very likey that
a Deep Love, expressed in a painful way, is what's holding them back.
As facilitators (and as
people who want to live happy lives), we have
to be able to find the love that is motivating the person to hang on to
their painful issue.
What you need to
UNDERSTAND:
If
you have the choice between being happy and being loving, you'll
take being LOVING every time, even if that means carrying
painful issues, and not healing them.
People don't
change because the pain they carry is an unacknowledged way of
showing Deep Love for someone else.
As a faciliator, you must help the participant feel and trust the
pleasurable love that is beneath that issue, or the person will not
change.
At the
"Deep Change Facilitation Training," You'll Discover:
- How to identify when people are holding on to an
issue as a
way of showing Deep Love, and
- How to help people change their identities from that of "someone who
is screwed up" to "someone who is deeply loving," and
- How to help people experience
and trust
the pleasurable love that underlies the painful issue they are
carrying, and
- How to help people find the blessing that is in that love, and to
take that blessing with them out into their lives.
And as a bonus, you'll also discover how to find, and heal, your own
painful expressions of Deep Love.
Almost
all the carpet work I run now is based on these two core ideas.
And the people who work with me say that my work is more powerful, more
lasting, and
more gentle than ever before.
If you'd like to be able to facilitate people through these deeper
blocks -- and be able to quickly get through those blocks yourself --
then you
may want to come to this training.
What
People Say about The Deep
Change Facilitation Training
"For
a person like me who is constantantly working on myself, having a
deeper level to delve into is a must. I recommend the Deep Change
Facilitation Training
to anyone who is serious about making real changes in
their lives and
in the lives of others."
- Mimi
Sanderson, Chicago, IL
"Deep Change
work definitely takes personal growth/healing work to another level of
maturity and evolution. It clarifies and brings to the heart the
incredible love that underlies our pain. Truly blessing work -- gentle,
respectful, and highly effective." -
E.F., Wisconsin
"I learned, enjoyed, and even grew taller! Deep Change
facilitation puts an entirely different spin on our work -- I highly
recommend it!" - Steve Kahn, Chicago, IL
"The Deep
Change
Facilitation Training is the second facilitation training
that I have attended led by Dmitri. The methods he employs are
excellent, and his style fully engaged me throughout the weekend. I
would encourage anyone who feels stuck in their personal growth work,
or anyone who is looking for additional tools, to check him out."
- Tom H., Chicago, IL
"The Deep Change
Facilitation Training is invaluable if you feel stuck on
the same issue, or want more tools to help other people who feel stuck.
Dmitri is a safe and competent facilitator whose mastery and simple
explanations make this
seemingly complicated work accessible and
relevant." -
Dave Long, Milwaukee, WI
"Dmitri presents loving
and gentle processes that can be used in carpet
work and as a tool in other personal growth settings.
Thank you!" -
Gwen M. Hurd, LCSW, Chicago, IL
"Thank youfor creating such a dynamic training, and for presenting it
from your heart!!! It
was an A-W-E-S-O-M-E experience!! I
learned more about myself than I ever expected or anticipated!"
- Jill Melvin, Palatine, IL
"This has been a great training, building on the basic course. It
really helped me understand how people change, and how to facilitate
them in that process. Thank you." -
Bob Hudson, Colorado
"Wow! I'm absolutely fascinated by the depth of the Deep Change Facilitation Training. A 'must-have' for every
facilitator's toolbox." -
Neil Charlet
"This is ground-breaking
work! The 'Deep
Love' process and the 'Deep
Risk' work goes through simple steps and yet, the change I
experienced was very deep. I'm looking forward to taking this work to
other women." -
Arleen, Chicago
"Wow! The Deep Change
processes are worth learning and practicing (and Dmitri's teaching and
skills are truly outstanding).
I recommend this training." -
John Trenkle, Farmington Hills, MI
"Simple,
powerful, dynamic. I
made a significant transition on a core issue, and
facilitated one for another participant!" -
Rick Wells, San Diego, CA
"This is by
far the best way to process. LOVE worked a lot better for me than anger
work does! Love and
connection is really what we all seek and this was a very deep way to
heal love wounds." -
Beth, Encinitos, CA
"I've had significant
movement this weekend on issues I've worked on for years.
Dmitri's tools are eloquent, deep, yet simple, and I am thrilled to add
them to my facilitation toolkit. - Becca Linekin, San Diego, CA
"I recommend
this workshop to therapists of any kind, counselors, phychologist, and
people in helping and healing groups. Definitely for ManKind Project
and Woman Within-ers." -
Lainy Wells, La Jolla, CA
"It was great
to see deep and lasting results from processes that are not necessarily
dramatic or loud. This
is a quiet, gentle and loving way to get to the bottom of issues that
may have lingered for years, and not responded to the kinds of
processes we are more used to seeing." -
Judy Rudin, San Diego, CA
"This was
extremely valuable, both for learning facilitation techniques and for
personal growth. Being
processed in terms of Deep Risk and Deep Love was an awesome experience."
- David P., San Diego, CA
"The Deep
Change Facilitation Training gave
me a new perspective on facilitation and gave me simple tools I can use
to help people get great insights and emotional
breakthroughs."
- Jonathan Rudin, San Diego, CA
"The Deep Change work allows me to
more fully own the fact that we are not broken, and that
even our shadows have gifts for us-- Love is all there is."
- Annie Ory, San Diego, CA
"Wow! I am amazed by the depth
that I and others were able to go to. These tools are now
in both my facilitator toolbox and my personal toolbox. I definitely
felt a deep movment at this weekend-- and I understand why."
- Keith Craig, El Cajon, CA
"The Deep Change Facilitation
Training was a wonderful experience for me. It gave me an
opportunity to see that emotional work can be done in a softer, yet
very powerful, way."
- Susan DuCharme, El Cajon, CA
Who Can
Come To The
Deep Change Facilitation Training
When
I first started thinking about offering
this training, I was going to limit it to people who had done the Basic
Carpet Work training, or who were MKP or WW leaders.
But as I thought about it I realized that, while these tools are
advanced, they are also very simple. They address issues on such a
basic
level that I decided to open the workshop to any man or woman who has
done either the New
Warrior Weekend or the Woman Within Weekend.
(Other people can come, but they need to talk to me first to make sure
the training is right for them.) But at
the same time, be aware that this is
advanced stuff. At this level of facilitation, you have to be willing
to see every part of the person as good. You have to be willing to see
every behavior they have,
no matter how destructive it is, as an attempt to create safety of
express love.
If you want to believe that some parts of a person are "just bad" and
"need to be gotten rid of," that's fine -- but this training will not
be for you.
Likewise, if you are unwilling to be open to the idea that your darkest
parts may want the best for you -- and if you are unwilling to
experience some shifts in your own relationship to your own Deep Risks
and Deep Loves -- then you'll probably want to pass on this training,
too.
While this training will be fun, it will move fast and go deep. Before
you come to the training, you'll need to have read the
pre-training material you'll be emailed about the basics of carpet work
and about facilitating yourself. These lessons
are brief
and clear, and we will assume that you have an understanding of
them before you come to
the workshop.
If
all that's okay with you, and if you want to learn to do deep work that
changes people's entire
point of view on themselves, and learn how to do it quickly, then you
can sign up below.
Only
11 Spots Left as of January 23rd
I'm going to be spending some
time in Colorado visiting some friends the week of the workshop, so
I've decided that, in order to keep things simple and to keep my trip mellow, I'm going to keep this particular
training small.
I've already told a few
people they can come, so at this point, for this small workshop,
there are only 11 spots left.
By the way, this workshop
tends to fill up, and at 20 people:
- The 2 times I've run it in
Chicago it filled up early (with 20 participants and a waiting
list),
- When I ran it in
Washington, DC it filled up early (with 20 participants and a waiting
list),
- and when I ran it in San
Diego it filled up early (with 20 participants and a BIG waiting
list!).
If you know you want
to come, do not
wait 'til the last minute to
sign up... With so few spaces, you may not get in.
Workshop
Leader
This
training will be led by me, Dmitri Bilgere. Here's a little about my
background: Dmitri Bilgere
(August '88). Originally trained by Ron Hering
and Cliff Barry, Dmitri is one of the original four founding Shadow Work
facilitators. He has been leading Carpet Work facilitation trainings
(of up to a week in length) and Shadow
Work Seminars since 1991, all over the US, in Canada,
England, and South Africa.
Dmitri has co-led the Inner
King Training 29 times, is a New Warrior Weekend senior
staffer, and has taught facilitation to the New Warrior Leader
Body. He's the author of
"Beyond
the Blame Game: Creating Compassion and Ending the Sex War in Your
Life."
Training
Details
The Deep Change
Facilitation Training takes place
Saturday and Sunday, February 23-24, 2008, from
9am-5pm each day. It will be held at St. Anthony's Hospital (you'll be
emailed directions after you sign up). The cost is $350; a $150
non-refundable deposit holds your place. If you miss the workshop after
signing up, your non-refundable deposit can be used on any other
training I run by myself.
The cost includes all pre-training materials and the take-home manual
handed out at the workshop itself.
The Deep Change
Facilitation Training is the first time I've share
these facilitation tools in a
workshop setting. If you want to be able to help other people (and
yourself) through letting go of long-lasting, seemingly-unfixable
issues, then you may way to sign up for this training by clicking the
button below.
If you are on
the fence about coming to the workshop, you may want to take a moment
to re-read what other people have said about the training (in the
yellow box, above). Otherwise, you can sign up right now at the link
below.
Signing
Up For
The Training
When
you click the PayPal button
below, you'll be taken to PayPal's secure ordering system, which will
walk you through the process of paying your $150 non-refundable
deposit. The balance
of $200 will be payable by cash or check the morning of the
workshop itself.
If this training seems right for you, I hope to see you there!
Dmitri Bilgere
P.S. I'm
pretty
well-known for giving away a lot of high-quality content about
trainings I run, and this training is no exception. If you aren't ready
to sign up for the Deep
Change Facilitation Training, but you'd like me to keep
you notified as I create more "give-aways," just put your name and
email address below.
P.P.S.
I hope this doesn't sound rude, but please don't ask for a
discount on this training if you can find a way to afford to come.
I've made the cost very reasonable, and can break up your
payments
over time, if need be.
I'd like to take a few moments to put the cost of this training into
perspective.
Adding it up, I find that in the last 18 months I've spent $9,650.80
going to workshops, trainings, and getting personal coaching.
That includes
paying $3,750.00 for one weekend and a series of follow-up calls
-- not counting transportation to and hotel in the notoriously
expensive San Francisco. (And it was totally worth it, by the way.)
And that's notincluding
the $2,000.00 (plus airfare) I paid a few years ago for one day of coaching
(which was also totally worth it).
I'm not a rich guy. I drive a 9-year old economy car. I don't own a
house, I rent an apartment. I don't have big investments or
mutual funds, though I'd like to.
What I've realized is that the most important investment I can make is
in myself. So
I'm willing to spend my resources on training that makes my life
better.
I'm not suggesting that you spend all your money on trainings and
coaching, or that you behave irresponsibly. But I am suggesting that
you value this workshop (and all the personal growth you do) as
something important that is worthy of some financial investment.
For the past 17 years I have focused my life on finding the
best,
fastest ways to heal "stuck" issues. The Deep Change Facilitation
Training is the first time I've taught
these skills, and will get the information to you quickly -- so you can
start using these tools in one weekend, rather than in 17 years.
If
you've
experienced any of my free online mini-courses, you know that I like to
give
away as much as I can, and that my material is solid and useful. But I
must insist that you value this training and be willing to make some
financial commitment to come to it.
In return, the workshop is guaranteed -- if you come and find it's not
for you, simply tell me by the end of the first day, and
you'll get a full refund, no questions, no hassels. I really want this
to be right for you, if you decide to come to it.
Signing
Up For
The Training
When
you click the PayPal button
below, you'll be taken to PayPal's secure ordering system, which will
walk you through the process of paying your $150 deposit. The balance
of $200 will be payable by cash or check the morning of the
workshop itself.